


I Wanted to Come Home

by montynavarrno



Series: Hamfam: AU of the AU [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: I am attempting to write angst again, Multi, happy death day john laurens, sorry you died you were actually fairly decent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:32:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7892434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montynavarrno/pseuds/montynavarrno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a serious fight many years ago that resulted in a serious concussion, John Laurens began suffering absence seizures. Normally, they weren't a problem. They didn't hurt him, until one day they hurt more than just him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanted to Come Home

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so there's a car crash in here. John is pretty severely injured, and he is in the hospital for a portion of this story. Absence seizures, for those of you who don't know, are basically spacing out and not realizing what's going on, much like with normal spacing out. They are very short, and often go unnoticed. There's a more complex form of them that last slightly longer, and often involve a repetitive motion such as chewing on lips. I do not experience these, so I am getting all my information from the internet. If I misrepresent anything, please let me know!
> 
> Also, a more detailed outline of Alex, Eliza, and John's relationship can be found in the story "An Almost Perfect Love Triangle," which can be found in this series!

John Laurens thought he was getting better.

After Philip was born, John felt a new sense of purpose in his life. His therapist described it as a turning point. A year after Philip was born, John was switched to a different anti-depressant, which he and his partners were very pleased with.

Then Frances was brought back into his life. John thought he might have to go back to his old medication. He couldn't bare to remember the circumstances that brought about Frances' conception. It wasn't a good time in his life. He wasn't in a good place at the time.

Frances was mostly willing to accept him in her life. She was only seven, but she had a sharp mind that told her something wasn't quite right about John just abandoning his child. And of course, she barely knew John. And all strangers were scary to her. Especially a stranger who claimed he was her father. John didn't feel much like a father. That's why he allowed Frances to call him John.

And she accepted it. They did things together sometimes. Frances loved Philip. She called him her little brother. She liked to push him in the baby swings at the park. Alex and Eliza adored her as well. It took John a few months to warm up to the idea of having a daughter, but his husband and his best friend made it bearable. He didn't know how he would get by without Alex and Eliza.

He owed them so much.

* * *

When Philip was two and Frances was eight, John, Alex, and Eliza decided to throw a little party for no real reason. 

There were many reasons. Philip was already reading very simple books and talking with incredible precision. Frances had made the tee ball team. Eliza had gotten a glowing recommendation at her job. Alex had gotten at least six hours of sleep every night for the past two weeks. John was just in a really good mood. All in all, there seemed to be every reason to have a little party. Just their family and Eliza's sisters and Hercules and Lafayette, and their son Georges. 

John had to go out and get the pizza.

Everything was going great.

* * *

Alex was in the middle of telling a story about Eliza in college when his phone rang. He took out his phone and frowned when he didn't recognize the number. Still frowning, he answered it. "Hello?" he said.

"Is this Alexander Hamilton?" a strange voice asked.

"Yes. May I ask who's calling?"

"This is the River Hospital. I'm calling because your husband John Laurens has been in a car accident. He is unconscious, and needs medical records to be filled out. He needs to go into surgery to remove bone fragments from his chest."

But Alex had stopped hearing what the person was saying. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

He ended the call. Everyone, except for the children, was staring at him. He couldn't imagine what his face looked like. "John's been in a car accident," he said, feeling completely numb and empty inside. "He's going into surgery. I have to go fill out medical records for him."

Eliza's face drained of color. "I'm coming with you."

"We'll watch the kids," said Lafayette.

Alex nodded. "Thank you."

Frances spoke up, in a soft voice. "Will John be okay?" she asked.

"I don't know, Frances. I promise I'll call you as soon as we know more, okay?"

"Okay," she said.

And with that, Alex and Eliza were out the door.

* * *

It was a seizure.

That was the conclusion the doctors had come to.

John was in surgery for several hours, and while he was in surgery a kind nurse had taken down John's medical history. When Alex had mentioned the seizures, the nurse's eyes went wide for a second. He then asked if John was taking any medication for them, which was a no. They didn't happen very often and he didn't have any pain from them. Most seizure medications also did not mix well with antidepressants, so he had chosen not to take them.

The nurse had called over a doctor and discussed the possibility of a potential seizure with her. They both agreed it was a likely reason, given that John had driven in to a light pole and witnesses had noticed the car drifting.

But of course, they wouldn't know anything until John woke up.

* * *

John's chest fucking  _hurt_.

That was John's first sensation he had upon waking up. The second sensation that he had was that he had no idea where he was or how he might have gotten there. The last thing he remembered was going out to get pizza. 

"John?"

That was Eliza's voice. "Eliza? Where am I? What happened?"

"You were in a car accident. You shattered one of your ribs. They had to preform surgery to get rid of the bone fragments," Eliza said.

"Well, that explains why my chest feels like I've been stabbed and stepped on." 

Eliza laughed. "Yes, I imagine so."

"Any other damage?"

"Some major bruising. A sprained wrist. Surprisingly, no concussion."

John gasped dramatically, which he immediately regretted, his chest hurting. "No concussion? But that's like my brand!"

Eliza bit her lip. "About that... John, do you remember anything leading up to the crash?"

Before John could answer, a nurse came into his room, Alex following behind her. At seeing John awake, Alex's whole face lit up. "John! You're awake!"

John smiled at his husband. "Yes, I am."

The nurse chuckled. "You're very chipper for the amount of pain you must be in."

John's smile faltered. "I'm kind of used to it."

The nurse nodded. "So I've heard. Mr. Laurens, what do you remember of the events leading up to the crash you were in?"

John thought about it for a second. "I don't remember. What caused the crash?"

"You drove into a light pole."

John winced. "Ah, fuck."

The nurse leaned forward. "What is it?'

"I think it was a seizure."

* * *

John was released from the hospital a week later, with seizure medication in Eliza's purse. On the way out of the hospital, all John could about was getting home to see Philip. Frances had come to visit him, but Philip didn't like the loud beeping in the hospital. He didn't make it more than five minutes in John's room. John didn't blame him. He didn't like it either.

When he finally got home, they had a nice meal of pasta and garlic bread. Then the family watched Frozen together, Philip singing at the top of his lungs. He was pretty good for a two year old. Eventually they put the kids to bed, and the adults got ready for bed themselves.

"John," Alex called from the bathroom.

"Yes?"

"Do you want me to bring you your medication?"

John froze. He couldn't answer. Taking one meant he had to go without the other. He didn't want to slip back into that terrible feeling of numbness. But he also didn't want to risk dying because he had a seizure at the wrong moment. What if he had Philip or Frances in the car with him and he had another seizure? What about Alex and Eliza? They could die. And John couldn't live with that.

But if he stopped taking his antidepressant, he could slip back into his unhealthy habits. He might end up getting himself killed. Oh god, what was he going to do?

"John?" Alex had appeared in the doorway to the bedroom, Eliza right behind him. Taking note of John's expression, he asked "What's wrong?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do," whispered John, feeling tears start to form in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" asked Eliza.

"I can't take one medication without having to stop taking the other. I can't go back to being depressed again. I can't. But," he said, and the tears were falling freely now, "I can't risk having another seizure. What if you or the kids are in the car? You could die!"

Alex and Eliza made their way to the bed and sat on either side of John. Alex rested his head on John's shoulder. Eliza wrapped her arms around him. Eliza spoke first.

"I'm sure there's a solution. Not all antidepressants make seizures worse. There's one out there that will work with your medication. It's just a matter of talking to your therapist and doing some research. It will work out, John."

John leaned towards Eliza so that their foreheads were touching. "You're right. You're always right. I'm sorry for freaking out like that. I don't know what I would do without you, Eliza."

"It's not your fault that you're freaking out. You have every right to be sacred." Eliza said.

"And we'll be right here beside you every time you're scared. I married you for better or for worse, you know. I don't care what your worst is," Alex added to Eliza's statement.

"My worst is being trapped in a house with multiple giant spiders."

"Okay, maybe not through your worst. But anything leading up to that," Alex said. John could feel the curve of Alex's grin on his shoulder.

"Glad to know where we stand on that," John said.

"Well, I'll kill the spiders for both of you."

"You're the best, Eliza," both John and Alex said.

"I know I am."

* * *

Two nights later, Alex and Eliza were out on a date. They expected to be home around midnight. Frances was staying with her mother, so it was just John and Philip. Philip just wanted to watch Disney movies, which John was happy to let him do. They got through Mulan, Lilo and Stitch, and Cinderella before Philip was finally ready for bed. John tucked him in and read him a story, and then headed off to bed himself.

It was around ten thirty. John had almost fallen asleep when he heard a soft knocking on the door. "Johndad?"

It was Philip. "What is it, Philip?"

Philip came padding into the room, holding his stuffed dog tightly, tears shining in his eyes. "Had a bad dream."

"Want to come up here and talk about it?"

Philip nodded and climbed in the big bed, curling up next to John. "You got more hurt in the accident and didn't get to go out of the hospital. I never got to see you because I don't like the hospital." he said rapidly, sniffling all the while.

John curled his arm around Philip. "I'm here now, kiddo. I won't leave you."

Philip nodded sleepily and burrowed further into John's chest. Eventually, his breathing evened out.

John fell asleep soon after. His last thought was that he had to find a way to make his medications work out. But that thought was lost as he fell asleep, curled up with his son.

And if Eliza and Alex took a hundred pictures of that sight as they came back from their date, well, none of them cared.

* * *

John did eventually work out his medication issues.

It took several trials and errors, but eventually he found a combination that worked.

He was glad. His family meant everything to him, and he was so happy that he didn't die at 27. That was far too young. 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to post this before John's death day ended but I wrote too much oops. Anyway, this is probably the most continuous angst I've written. I wanted to do more with their relationship but it took a completely different direction. It's pretty good if I do say so myself, so I can't be too angry. Oh well. RIP in peace John Laurens. You were better than most.


End file.
